September 11, 2013

Relax Mom...

I was watching Katie Couric the other day and this mother was being interviewed about a magazine article she was in recently talking about the fact that she has to take an anti depressant on a regular basis. Well apparently it was a huge deal to a group of mother's out there and she was receiving a lot of back lash.  To the point where she was actually told she shouldn't be a mother because she was taking medication.

WHAT THE F**K??!!!  How dare you criticize someone because they need to be on medication to make it through the day.  Have you ever had postpartum depression?  It is bad.  I had it after my daughter and my doctor suggested a pill but I preferred not to be on one but I don't have anything against anyone that does. It can be mild or very severe.  I just cried all the time. I would show up on my parents door step in tears with my daughter in my hands. And FYI...We have no control over it or if we get it.  It is completely out of our hands and not our fault!  I fought my way out of it myself.  If a mother needs to take a pill so she doesn't harm herself or her children then so be it.  Who are we to judge someone that is making a smart decision.  So she can't be a mother because she is on a pill?  Seriously.  What is it with some of you mother's out there?  I can't believe how some people are these days. 

I was reading a blog a few months ago and the answers some of these mother's respond to just make me want to drink.  A mother actually had a huge problem with people putting babies in a swing.  Really?  Do we not have anything better to do.  She actually said that it would delay your child's development and cause problems down the road.  Am I the only laughing about this? Apparently I don't read enough because I just don't get it.  Get a life. 

I try not to associate myself with too many people, especially specific mother's.  I try to avoid being put in a bad situation and gravitate towards mom's that are more like me.  I am young and I wasn't married when I had my daughter but I don't think that makes me any less of a mother.  I like to drink and I tend to indulge in a cigarette from time to time but it does not affect my children in any way shape or form.

Perfect example.  I watch a little girl after school that just happens to be friends with my daughter.  I get paid for it and the mom gets to send her child to a safe place.  Well for the most part.  This is the kinda mom I like to be around.  She had her daughter out of wed lock and didn't plan on having any kids but it happened and she dealt with it.  She doesn't judge and I don't judge.  This poor little girl has been through the ringer at my house.  The first time she came over, my daughter made her cry.  (Now just a side note, I know I wrote about bullies in my previous post so I am clarifying that my daughter is not a bully but she is also not perfect.  She does receive punishment when necessary whether it is a spanking, time out or I take something from her that is dear to her heart.)  I explained the situation to her mother and she was like "It happens.  No biggie".  The second incident was a few weeks ago when my daughter decided to use the lovely word B***H in front of her.  I almost lost my marbles and was very embarrassed and yet again, this mother tells me about the time her daughter used that word.  She wasn't mad, she understood and she just brushed it off.  Now, I am a very straight forward person so I keep her very up to date about the things that go on and don't try to hide anything.  I figure it is just better that way.  The latest incident was just the other day.  The girls got home from school and immediately went out to the play ground.  I just happen to look out the window and my daughter has her shorts and under wear off in the middle of our yard.  I asked what she was doing and she says "peeing".  Great.  My daughter has peed outside before so it wasn't something new to her but I really thought she new a little better than to pee outside in our own backyard and it front of the rush hour traffic.  Sometimes peeing outside is better than a porta john or it is necessary in a specific moment but that wasn't one of those moments.  Just lovely.  So as the little girl and her mom are leaving, I say "Oh by the way..if your daughter starts peeing outside, that would be because she learned it from my daughter."  And she simply says "ok".  She doesn't ask any questions, she doesn't get mad, nothing.  Now that is my kinda mother and she stills sends her child to my house!

I think some of these women need a glass of wine or two and mind their own damn business!


What has this world come to?

So I know me and Lauren write blogs to make people laugh and tell our stupid stories but my next few blogs are going to be downers.  I have to get this off my chest because it is really bothering me.  I might make some people mad too but hey, that is what freedom of speech is for!

My daughter started kindergarten last week.  She is there all day long and takes the bus in the morning and the afternoon.  I cried my eyes out.  Not just because she is my oldest and this is the first time I have gone through something like this but because I am completely terrified for her.  Since when is it no ok that your child is not even safe in school anymore?  Since when has bullying and cyber bullying become so bad that we have to have shows about it?  Since when is it ok that I have to check a website regularly to see if there are any pedophiles that live in my area or the area of the school?

Let me tell you something.  The day I get a phone call telling me that my daughter's school was held hostage by a crazy gun person and several children and teacher's were killed....that SOB better kill himself for I will be killing him MYSELF.  And quite honestly I blame that psycho's parents.  There is something wrong if a kid shoots up an elementary school because he is mad at his mom.  Hello?  Did Momma not see any signs that the kid might need some help?  Maybe when your kid starts setting things on fire for no reason or starts torturing animals you might want to get them some help.  Also, spanking is not a bad thing.  Me and my brothers were spanked every time we deserved it and we turned out just fine.  I am married, have two children and my bachelor's degree in Marketing/Management, my younger brother is married and a Sheriff and my youngest brother just started his freshman year at Mount St. Vincent and was accepted into their nursing program.  So get over it.  My daughter has been spanked and I am sure my son will need one too.  A mother especially should know there child and you know when something is wrong and they need help.  Get it together people or stop having kids!

My daughter's good friend was choked by a younger boy the other day in school while standing in line waiting for the bus.  She actually had bruises on her neck.  Guess what?  That ever happens to my daughter I will be knocking on that parent's door and you better be ready.  Nobody messes with my kids.  I don't care if it is online or in school.  I will be coming for that child and that parent.  I already had to deal with a problem child in preschool.  My daughter didn't want to go to school because a boy was hitting her and saying bad words to her.  So, I wrote a note to the teacher and explained that my daughter had my permission to protect herself and if it didn't get taken care of I would take care of it myself.  My daughter never had a problem again.  I tell my daughter almost every day to never let any one touch her and she has my complete permission to fight back when necessary.  I know teachers don't always see or hear everything so I really don't put the blame on them, but it is just sad to have to think about stuff like that with 5 year olds.  Again, where are the parents?

One of my biggest fears in life is my children being molested or kidnapped.  I worry every day about it.  I watch movies and shows I probably shouldn't but I want to be as proactive as I can about things like that.  I regularly check the pedophile website so to speak and get alerts when one moves into the area.  As soon as my daughter was old enough she learned where her private parts were and no one was to touch them.  I remind her daily too.  I have my brother who is the Sheriff talk to her constantly as well.  She knows how to fight and scream if she needs and she knows to never leave anywhere especially school with anyone.  I tell her each and every day you are to get on the bus and you are to leave on the bus.  If there is a change I usually start letting her know way in advance.  I will do the same with my son.  It makes me so sick some of the things people do to children and most of the time they were molested at some point in their life as well.  There is no excuse but if the cycle could have been broken I bet there wouldn't be as many molesters or rapist out there today.  Again Parenting. 

Protect you children.  Be there for your children.  Look for signs that they need help.  Sometimes it is more than "just a phase".


September 3, 2013

Bitch Please

I got some news this morning. Bad news.

As soon as Joe told me, I knew I had to write about it...because it's not necessarily funny-ha-ha...but it's definitely a "that WOULD happen to Lauren" story.

PLUS, I've been working like crazy for 12 days straight, making the line between what would be considered funny and what's completely depressing slightly blurred.

Annnnnnnd I haven't written a blog in a while. So this is all I got!

We ALL know I hate my job. It's really a broken record at this point and I hate myself every time I say it but I mean, for REAL. Every minute that passes and I'm sitting at my desk doing NOTHING except waiting for someone to show me mercy by requesting a photocopy is like dying a slow and painful death.

My PopPops once said that working a shitty job was like, "hitting yourself in the head with a hammer all day because it feels so good when you stop." That never made sense to me until I became a receptionist....because every time the phone rings, I feel like I'm getting bashed in the face with some kind of heavy instrument (hence the slow and painful death). I get it.

Preach on PopPops, preach.

Anyway, after two years of applying for hundreds of jobs and my hard earned Bachelor's Degree gathering dust, it finally seemed like there was some light shining at the end of the tunnel...because I landed an interview! I landed the holy grail of interviews with the county government! I studied up on the position, practiced the perfect answers to all the typical interview questions, planned a professional interview outfit....I even paid twenty bucks for a manicure in a conservative "nude" shade because the Career Center at my college said any other color for an interview was "distracting and off-putting" AKA skankalicious. I was prepared to sell the shit out of my nude-nailed-self.

Unfortunately I'm not black.

A couple weeks went by and I had heard nothing. Assuming I blew the interview, I kind of shrugged it off and chocked it up as another loss. Then I learned (from a couple of my husband's connections) that it was between me and another chick - we were the top two candidates. This made the anticipation even worse. It really could happen. I e-mailed the director of Human Resources to make sure he knew how interested I was and asked if a decision had been made.

I should have known when I never got a response.

Then this morning Joe told me. He said he wanted me to hear it from him instead of in a rejection letter, or worse, never hearing anything at all. The position had gone to a black woman, not based on credentials or that she interviewed better than was simply because the county needed a more diverse candidate.

Now, I harbor no resentment to this lady at all. I'm sure she was extremely qualified for the position and she will do a great job but I can't stop thinking about how everything would have been different if only they had known that I am, in fact, black on the inside.

I've given this situation a lot of thought and, in an effort to avoid this heartache next time around, I've decided to make some changes to the "Additional Skills and Information" section of my resume. It now looks a little something like this:

Additional Skills and Information
  • Ability to accurately rap any Nicki Minaj song on command
  • I've never passed up an opportunity to dance to The Wobble or The Cupid Shuffle
  • If I'm drunk enough, I can even do them properly
  • When I was little, I used to BEG my mom to buy me a black baby doll
  • 2 out of my 6 preset radio stations are of the hip-hop variety
  • Certified Whooty (white girl with a booty)
I think this will clear up a lot of confusion for any interviews I embark on in the future.