"Words of Wisdom" or Whatever...

"They" say the first year of marriage is the toughest year...and whoever "they" are may be on to something...but WE TOTALLY MADE IT!

Not everyone can say they married their best friend TWICE

This past weekend, Joe and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary...and this year was certainly one to celebrate...we earned it. It was a roller coaster of a year, full of highs (eloping/honeymooning in the most beautiful, lavish place we've ever been, buying our first home, partying at a wonderful reception thrown by my in-laws) and lows (the infamous Christmas Tree Incident of 2012* and that one time we got in a fight because Joe didn't kiss me goodbye and I tried to prove a point by staying out all night long but got tired and bored and hungry after an hour at Target and was home by 6:30) BUT WE MADE IT!

We're still rookies at this whole marriage thing and like everyone tried to tell us before we tied the knot, it's hard work. We fight sometimes. We get over it. And every day we learn something new about each other...and about ourselves. For instance, just last week Joe and I BOTH learned that if he tries to exit the room during an argument, I will throw a book at him...not AT him...but in his general direction**...I didn't know I was gonna do it, he didn't know I was gonna do it. Live and learn. That being said, I've come up with a few marriage "Do's and Don'ts" for me to reference when I'm feeling feisty...

DON'T throw books at each other....
It didn't go over well...plus it's a little crazy and not very nice. 

DO go to bed angry...
The number one piece of advice that EVERYONE gives at weddings and bridal showers is not to go to bed angry...I think that's some seriously unrealistic bullshit. These are my LEAST favorite "words of wisdom" ever. For Joe and I, late night arguments tend to start because we're tired and therefore, irritable (go figure). If we tried to stay awake until we were no longer angry, we would be up all night arguing and getting more tired and more irritable, creating an endless cycle of tiredness and irritability (hide all the books). When we DO go to bed angry, we usually wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and more often than not, we forget what we were even angry about in the first place. It's hard and feels very unnatural at first, to go to bed angry...but Joe can now do it in .05 seconds flat.

DON'T yell...
I have a strong belief system and tend to get pretty passionate about ummmmm...EVERYTHING. Naturally, Joe and I don't see eye to eye on some things so we often get into little debates... the topics range from the existence of Jesus to whether or not  it's okay for women to have their own gyms. It doesn't matter whether I'm advocating for Curves or arguing that a human being cannot die and then come back to life, I get just as equally amped up...I start talking louder and louder and louder...thinking the increased decibels will convince my opponent when really, I'm just yelling. Not only does the yelling NOT make my point any stronger or more convincing, but I look bat shit crazy.

DO focus on the good stuff...
During one of my psychology classes in college, I learned that bad emotions and negative situations have more of an impact on people than the positive. It actually takes your brain more time to process bad things which makes them easier to remember...which is SO fucked up, RIGHT? When Joe and I get into an argument, my mind works like that. I hone in on all the bad memories...like that time he told me I had a unibrow or when he asks why my breath smells which isn't fair because that man picks up poop for me! And changes the oil in my car! And vacuums a lot. He calls me beautiful every single day and he even cooked dinner for me on Valentine's Day this year and sprinkled rose petals all over the house. It may be easier to remember the bad stuff but putting the effort into focusing on the good stuff helps put the bad in a little more perspective.
The act of picking up dog poop > Telling me I have a unibrow...ANYDAY.
 
DO watch the opening scene from the movie "Up"...
Okay this one sounds weird but hear me out. One day Joe and I were bickering about...pssht who knows what but there we were...at a standoff. Neither one of us talking to the other. Sitting in the living room. Watching TV. In silence. Then this movie starts...

...and oh my god. We both looked at each other (me crying...the emotional train wreck that I am) and whatever we were arguing about was squashed because...really? I mean...really. This is what it's all about. Having a partner in life...who's there by your side through all your shit... good AND bad...who knows you better than anyone else. Seriously...if I'm on my deathbed and Joe's there sending me messages attached to helium balloons, I WILL DIE HAPPY.

Marriage may be hard work...but nothing worth having comes easy and one year later, here we are...eating an oddly delicious but at the same time disgusting frozen cake...and it's totally worth it.


*stay tuned for a blog post about this festive debacle

**the book was titled "Guilty Wives" which is a strangely appropriate title to be thrown at your husband in the middle of a heated argument