August 6, 2013

Mommy Dearest

I don't know if it is just me or if this happens to most people but my parents have really become very relaxed in their old age (not really that old, neither one of them has hit 50 yet) and their parenting rules really go out the window.  I have noticed that with my children my parents really don't use any parental skills at all.  It is pretty much free rein.  I know they are grandparents and it is their job to spoil and what not with their kids but I figured some sort of rules would still apply.  Apparently not. I think parents really take the term grandparents way too far and think they can get away with a lot of stuff that shouldn't be allowed.  For example, I was at my parents the other day and immediately my father puts my son in the high chair and feeds him cinnamon gram crackers and chocolate cookies.  Now my son is 8 months old and probably should not be eating this stuff but he is a hog and a big boy and has been on solids since his was 3 months old.  That is really not my concern anyways.  I was more concerned with the fact that my father fed my son all this stuff for about an hour and then when he is done, my father walks away.  Suddenly he forgot he has something to do and now I am left with a child that looks like he went through Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.  How amazing.  You feed him the crap and now I am left cleaning him up.  Feeding him is the easy part, cleaning him up and the surrounding area, not so fun.  Thanks Dad.

My mother is the worst of all.  She doesn't think she is but she is.  My daughter is the Diva she is today because of my mother.  She yells at me for spoiling her all the time but you can guarantee that if my daughter walks in to a store with my mother she will be getting something, if not one thing then a few things.  It has gotten to the point where every time my mother comes to our house, my daughter has her hand out expecting something and usually gets it.  This particular day though, I was really taken back by my mother.  We are having breakfast at a local diner with my brother and his wife.  My son is playing with all the spoons (because he is at that point now where he needs to be doing something if he is not eating) and eventually drops all the spoons that were on the table on the floor.  I am in conversation with my brother and look over at my son and noticed that he was now playing with a knife.  My mother thought it would be a good idea to give the 7 month old a knife.  Her response "It's just a butter knife, It's not like it will hurt him."  Really?  I don't even know what to say at this point.  I take the knife from my son and tell my mother that I am putting this in the blog and she says "YOU BETTER NOT!"  Karma sucks.

This is kinda off point but I had to throw this in somewhere because it was just too good to ignore.  My husband was taking a shower one day and my daughter had to get something out of the bathroom.  She was trying to go in and my husband said just wait I am taking a shower.  She is getting to the age where she really shouldn't be seeing Daddy naked but she doesn't understand that yet.  So my daughter says "UUGGHH Dad, it's ok, it's not like I haven't' seen your little whoohoo before!"  My husband says "Excuse me?"  And she says "Dad I have seen your LITTLE whoohoo before!"  I am in the kitchen trying to feed my son laughing hysterically!  My husband obviously does not find the comment very amusing but I just couldn't help myself.  Kids!!



All right ladies now I know that everyone has had their bad hair days.  We have all been through it and we will continue to go through it, especially after you have kids.  Your hair is not even the hair you remember in high school.  Some women get lucky and it becomes thicker and softer and flows and the color itself is like one out of a movie.  Then there is the other sad few that get screwed.  It starts to fall out, you lose your bounce and the color has turned into a pinch between brown poop and Pippie Long Stocking.  I have had several bad hair days but there are a few that really stick out (and I mean literally) that I just have to mention.

My lovely Sister-in-law reminded me the other day of the time I bought the ethnic hair conditioner (and I am using the word ethnic because I don't want to insult anyone and I don't want to use the incorrect term) and I really didn't know it.  You know how in the shampoo/conditioner isle you have miles and miles of the white person stuff and then there is the tiny section of the ethnic area?  Well I was in search of a new conditioner and I wandered to the fine line of white and ethnic area.  I was eyeing this conditioner that really wasn't in the ethnic section and really wasn't in the white section.  It said that it was very nourishing and good for dry hair and the price was good plus it was a pink bottle and I couldn't resist.  I looked at it for a long while because I really was in a debate with myself of whether it was for the white's or different race.  There was no picture on the bottle and it did not say anywhere that it was meant for people of different ethnicities.  (again trying to be politically correct)  So I went ahead and purchased it.  The first time I used it I thought in the shower that it was great.  My hair felt smooth and I didn't have any snarls and I thought AWEOME, I just found a new conditioner that is cheap and works great.  Then I blow dried.  Well let me just say that Diana Ross had nothing on me.  My hair could have been in a rap video.  I had no idea that it could even get to the potential.  It looked like I had teased it for hours and then added some Hair Net for another couple of hours.  And let me just say, I have blonde hair and it is very fine so this was really a new look for me.  I had to be at work so I had no time to try and fix it, not to mention I didn't even know where to start.  I was a bartender at the time and when I walked in one of my regulars asked me if I was going dancing or to the club later.  I said "No why?"  And he said "Your hair looks like you might be going dancing or getting wild later."  I just pretended like I was trying something new and I meant for it to look like that.  I was at my brother's and my sister-in-laws that following weekend and brought the conditioner and used it to show them what it did to my hair.  They all agreed it was not meant for my hair type.  A few weeks later a friend of mine (who is also my hair stylist and knew the story) sent me a picture of that same conditioner clearly in the ethnic section.  Live and learn I guess.

A few months ago I decided that I was going back to coloring my own hair.  I just do highlights and all through college I had a roommate do it for me using one of the kits and never had a problem.  It saved a ton of money and time.  When I met my lovely husband he would pay for me to get it done and take care of me but after the kids I just don't have the time.  Call me crazy but it is too much to try and find a babysitter and then pay them for me to sit in a salon for hours and hours listening to someone talk that I really don't want to talk to.  So I decided I would go back to doing it myself.  Everything was going great and the color was looking good until one day I got lazy.  I decided instead of pulling my hair through a cap I would just use the highlighting kit and just color my roots.  Why not right?  BIG MISTAKE.  The top of my head was white, like printer paper white and the rest of my hair was a normal blonde.  So instead of just going through the process again and pulling my hair through the cap to even it out, I decided that I will buy a blonde dye and tone down the white.  Well I learned that I can't use a blonde dye on white hair, it turns my hair orange.  So now instead of the top of my head being white, it was ORANGE.  Great so now what?  So stubborn me goes back to the store and buys a root touch up thinking I could just put it on the orange part and it would blend in.  Nope not really.  It more mixed then blended.  I ended up just coloring the normal part of my hair darker and it really did nothing for the orange part at all.  I figured I should give my hair a break seeing how I just colored it 3 times in two days but that didn't last long.  My mother in law really let me know how it looked when she saw me and her faced pretty much dropped to the ground and she said "What the hell did you do to your hair?"  So off to the store again but this time I bought the highlighting kit and said I will not be lazy I will pull hair through and make this right.  One of my friends that I was telling this story to asked me "At one point did you just think maybe I should go get this fixed professionally?" No of course not!  I was bound and determined to fix this myself and still save money, my hair on the other hand, not really feeling the same.  So I get the kit and I'm at home, the baby finally fell asleep so I had two hours to get this done.  As I am mixing the stuff together and getting ready for the cap I noticed that they forget to put in the tool that you use to pull the hair through.  Now I have a dilemma.  I know that the store that I just bought this from only had one left, so I could return it but then I wouldn't be able to get the same kit.  I could get my money back and buy it some where else but that would just take too much time.  So, I look through the junk drawer and find a screw.  I looked at the cap and then at the screw and said "why not?".  I used a freaking screw to pull my hair through the little holes.  It worked.  It took some time but it was successful.  I lost a good chuck of hair and had to do some major damage control but my hair came out a normal blonde color.  I was afraid every time I showered that I would just find clumps of hair in the drain but to my astonishment it wasn't too bad.  I have yet to color it again but I am do soon and I know now that I CANNOT be lazy and worse case scenario, you can use a screw to pull your hair through the cap.

Live and Learn.


It Could Happen.....

So you know how some of those scary movies have scenes that people watch and totally think or even say...that would never happen in real life?  Like the chick with the white tank top on and big boobs running through the woods getting chased by a chain saw guy and then it starts to rain and then she trips on some rusty piece of junk that would never be there in real life?  Well my brother had one of those moments and it was so bad that I actually had to say "That's the stuff that happens in a scary movie and you say that would never happen"  Well it did and he lived through it. 

My brother is a Sheriff and I really wish I could talk about a lot of the stuff he does and sees but for privacy reasons and laws I am not allowed.  Let's just say though that the show Cops doesn't even touch on some of the stuff my brother sees and does.  I get a phone call from him one day and he says you would never believe what happened to me the other night.  He proceeds to tell me that he got a call to go check out a warehouse that had their security alarm going off.  As a Deputy he has to go in and inspect and make sure everything is ok but most of the time it is usually a bogus call.  As he was walking around the dark warehouse all alone his flash light goes out.  Then he says he tried to make a call on the radio and the radio when out! So he is alone in the dark warehouse with no flash light and no radio!  I immediately started laughing.  And of course he did not find that very amusing but I couldn't help myself.  I was like don't you realize that you should have been in a movie and half the people in the audience would be like that would never happen!!!  But I guess now it can.  So don't always mock the horror movie some things can really come true!  He managed to use the light on his cell phone to find his way out and all was good.

Also, if you ever come in contact with a snake and happen to have pepper spray on you, they don't like it.  Another story from my brother.  The big bad Sheriff was once again in a warehouse and came face to face with a big black snake (not really sure what kind or if it was really dangerous but that was just how he described it) and he said the snake looked at him weird so he panicked and pepper sprayed it.  He said it worked though and the snake ran away.  Glad the tax payers dollars are being well spent on snakes!  Although in all honesty I would have shot the thing or even tazed it.  That would have been awesome.  I hate snakes and so does he but now we know what to do!

In a lighter note, my daughter told me the other day that if she had a change-o-machine she would use it to take away my belly fat.  I thought I was doing pretty good considering I have an 8 month old but according to my daughter I have belly fat.  I guess it is good though that she would help me out!